by James Traficant September 10, 1997 Mr. Speaker, a flush is not a flush. The old standard toilet flushed away 3.5 gallons of water, so Congress in its inimitable wisdom passed a new law that said all toilets in America…
by James Traficant PROBLEMS AT THE POST OFFICE September 17, 1997 Mr. Speaker, Martha Cherry, a letter carrier for 18 years, has been fired. The Postal Service said, `Your stride is too short.’ If that is not enough to put…
COINCIDENCE by James Traficant October 8, 1997 Mr. Speaker, Patricia Mendoza heckled the President; she got audited. Kent Brown sued the First Lady; he got audited. The National Center for Public Policy criticized the White House; they got audited. Billy…
Act I Scene 1 BERNARDO Have you had quiet guard? FRANCISCO Not a mouse stirring. MARCELLUS Peace, break thee off; look, where it comes again! BERNARDO In the same figure, like the king that’s dead. Act I Scene 2 KING…
GREEN EGGS AND HAM By Dr. Seuss I am Sam I am Sam Sam I am A little more than kin, and less than kind! Do you like green eggs and ham? Fie on’t! O fie! ’tis an unweeded garden,…
From Letters to the Air Force about UFOs Dear Sir; I read your statement about UFO. I do not know if there are an but they could be. All my life I have been trying to understand gravity; about 7…
from Letters To The Air Force About UFOs June 29, 1959 Dear Sir: I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth to the best of my abilities, so help me God. I wrote to…
from Letters To The Air Force About UFOs Dear sir: I believe I have unlocked the riddle of flying saucers, or at least arrived at a working theory of how they work. You may think I am a crackpot, but…
HOST: Generic welcome and audience appreciating remarks. Brand building, or this show and of course the network brand. Introduction of obnoxious blowhard. LEFT: Friendly acknowledgment, with a quick jab at my partner and rival. HOST: And second obnoxious blowhard introduction….
MAN IN BLACK
All right: where is the pie? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right and who is dead.