LEFT: Friendly acknowledgment, with a quick jab at my partner and rival.

HOST: And second obnoxious blowhard introduction.

RIGHT: Good natured remark, and a quick response to my opponent.

HOST: Bland faux-serious introduction of political minutae. Statement of concern. Rhetorical question? Setting up a false dichotomy for meaningless analysis and passionate theatrics. Obvious question?

RIGHT: Obvious answer! Broad assumption, presumed reasonable, presented as natural, starting point for argument, continuing until interrupted-

LEFT: Incredulous interruption! Rhetorical question? Fake disbelief. Fake disbelief. Sarcastic question trap?

RIGHT: Sarcastic response. Accusation of unfair tactics. Reference to unrelated political incident, alleged to confirm accusation-

LEFT: Angry denial! Angry- half joking ad hominem attack phrased as a question? Attacking source of unrelated political incident.

RIGHT: Acting serious, claiming to be authoritative, implying rival is juvenile and naïve.

LEFT: Hot tempered shouting!

RIGHT: Voice getting louder! Yelling! Yelling-

LEFT: Shouting! Shouting! Denial of naivete! Grandiose claim! Grandiose claim, broad assumption, smug moral high ground!

HOST: Obligatory intervention to plead for an unwanted calm discussion.

LEFT: Grudging acknowledgment.

RIGHT: Offhand personal insult.

LEFT: Mock warning…patronizing gesture.

HOST: Another inane observation about some trivial, decontextualized event. Generic thanks and plea for continued viewership after a short break. Network cross-promotion, extolling the virtues of a fellow broadcaster. Friendly question about what to expect this evening?

[ON TO INSTANT WEATHER FORECASTING]